The Secret Club- Enter if you dare!

This topic has taken me some time to muster up the courage to talk about..dun...dun...dun..The Secret Club (evil laugh). I feel like a rebel spilling the secrets no one dare talk about. It sounds wonderful doesn't it? Something so elite people whisper about it in hush tones. When searching the internet you find the club vaguely written about it. What special club is this you ask? Could it be the perfect ten club, or maybe the secret to weight-loss club? Nah, even more top secret. 

    Welcome to the Step-girlfriends/boyfriends, Step-fiance, stepmother/stepfather club        <please, insert sarcasm here>.

Enough with my sarcastic introduction. The divorce rate according to divorcestatistics.org lists 40% of couples with children divorcing. To put that in perspective out of 100 couples 40 of those couples with children divorce. Another site says 50% of all children will witness the divorce of there parents.

1.5 million babies are born out of wedlock. 750,000 teen pregnancies a year.

As a result, many of these children will have other people in their lives to help raise them besides their biological mother and biological father. With the statistics listed above it is absolutely astonishing to me there are not more support groups, and help available for those of us without children who date, become engaged, and marry those who do.

Call us naive, call us stupid, or unrealistic. Call us dreamers, or suckers. The simple fact of the matter is this...We ( meaning us non-children people) are looking for love. Given the statistic's many of the single people do in fact have children. I know, I know, MIND BLOWN!

When I started dating it was rare to find a guy who didn't have kids. I remember family members asking me if I really wanted to date a guy with kids because of how draining they heard it was. In my mind I'm thinking do they not understand how many people actually have kids? And the older you are, the more likely it is for the guys to have kids.

After dating for some time, I met R, I remember thinking to myself he is sweet, funny, and a great dad. As the days turned into weeks, we decided to wait to introduce me to the kids until we were both serious enough for the relationship to last. While it was an absolute wonderful gesture for the kids, it was also a bit deceiving for me. So I was basically dating a man who we would go out and be like a normal couple with no children for close to 3 months before I even met the kids. We would go on the town, go out to eat, watch tv, go to the movies. R has 3 all under 13, and at the time he had joint custody. I went into the relationship heart open, excited, and feeling confident I could handle anything thrown my way. Seriously, I love kids. I knew I loved R, so how hard could this step-whatever you want to call me really be? Boy-oh-Boy, have I been on a wild ride ever since.

It's been close to 3 years and those who are not in this elite club would think it gets easier, I am here to tell you that in some ways it does get easier, and in other ways it gets much much harder.

Once a week I will write my stories, thoughts, and struggles on my blog. I am also hoping I am not the only one feeling alone in this scenario and would love to start a support group of sorts for all of us to come share stores, talk, and provide advice, and a shoulder to cry on.

Happy Stepping, my loves,
Autumn